yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
