I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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