No more Irish car bombs ever.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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