Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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