I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
