so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
