either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
