Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
