I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
