is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
