He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
