I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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