You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
