My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
40s are totally the cure
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
