you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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