So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The power of my boobs compel you
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
