Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
