like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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