Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
