party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
