I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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