How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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