So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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