god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
