i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
