Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
