Whod you bang
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
