it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
