Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
