he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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