she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
