I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Holy sore nipples Batman
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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