you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
