im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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