Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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