Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
being pregnant is like rehab
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
