Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
