Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
