"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
