So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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