My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
A bitchslap is in order.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
