I just cut my nipple shaving
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it's great music for shaving your balls
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
