make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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