reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
