I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
