I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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