I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
