just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
