im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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