grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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