Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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