Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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