Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
