You really coming over, don't trick.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
