I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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