if i died would you start the facebook group?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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