I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
well you can't waste a boner
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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