Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
